


Hard to See When Your Eyes Are Closed

by oursaviorkellinquinn



Category: Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Anxiety, Crossdressing, Depression, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Self Harm, Smut, hurt comfort, self hatred, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:55:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oursaviorkellinquinn/pseuds/oursaviorkellinquinn
Summary: I’m not gonna give you much of a summary because I don’t want to give away any of the plot!
Relationships: Kellic - Relationship
Kudos: 9





	Hard to See When Your Eyes Are Closed

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I just wanted to pop in and say that I don’t actually think any band members are homophobic, it’s just for the sake of the story :)

~Kellin’s pov~  
I’m tired of being in the bus, I want to be home already. We’re about an hour away and even though we have only been gone for a couple weeks, I’m so over this.

“I told you, I’m not kidding!” Jack says, appearing from the back room with Justin in tow.

“You’re just fucking around.” Justin replies, laughing at whatever their conversation is.

“Dude, Kells, side with me!” Jack says, directing the attention to me.

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“Jack’s trying to tell me that Awsten and Geoff are a couple.” Justin explains.

“Like, in Waterparks?” I confirm.

“Yeah man,” Jack starts. “I guess they’re public now. I’ve always known Awsten was a fag, I mean, just the way he dresses gives him away.”

I feel the blood drain out of my face. I’m a fag, but they don’t know that.

“Well what about Geoff? He always seemed cool.” Justin says as though being gay changes who someone is as a person.

“I guess he’s bisexual or something.”

“Oh gross. He should just choose, that’s not fair to the rest of us.” Justin whines ignorantly.

My heart is pounding and I can’t feel my fingertips. This is why I’m not out. 

I put in my headphones and start texting Vic since Jack and Justin seem to have forgotten they were talking to me.

Vic and I have been dating for two years and we even live together, but nobody outside of our families know. I’m not sure how we’ve managed to hide it for so long, but I’d like to keep it that way and Vic does too.

Kellin: I wish I could transport home instead of riding on the bus with these assholes.

Vic: typing...

Vic: Oh come on, you love them! What did they do?

Kellin: Ur right. Nothing.

Vic: Wait, is something actually wrong? I’m so sorry bb I thought you were just bored. 

Kellin: It’s okay 

Vic: What happened?

Kellin: Jack just said f*g

Vic: Oh. How close are you to home? Are you okay? Want me to call you?

Kellin: No, we’re less than an hour away, I’ll talk to you irl soon :) I’m fine

Vic: See you soon, call me if you need anything.

I put my phone in my pocket and go to my bunk. Even though I know Vic is going to be upset, I’ve started cutting again. This usually happens when I’m on tour and I know it’s bad, but I can’t help it. I get so overwhelmed with all the homophobia in bands and venues and I tend to get depressed when I’m on the road cause I can’t dress how I like. It’s too much and I’ve cut up my hips pretty badly. 

I add a couple of lines to my skin and put a band aid over it before pulling my pants back into place. Instead of crying and hating myself, I roll over and sleep until we get home.

~  
~Vic’s pov~  
Kellin worries me with his texts about Jack and Justin. I know that they don’t mean to upset him but Kellin doesn’t see it that way. He was bullied really badly in high school and actually starts to believe bad things people say about him. That’s why he decided to keep our relationship a secret from his band, cause he has this irrational fear that they’re gonna turn on him.

Personally I just don’t feel comfortable being out. I’ve known I’m bisexual since high school, but my brother Mike is the only person in my band or crew that knows or knows about Kellin. I worry that all I’ll be to people is gay and I’ll never be able to talk about other things. Gay isn’t my whole identity.

I’m distracted from my thoughts when the front door opens and there stands my beautiful boyfriend, grinning from ear to ear.

“Viccy!” He shrieks, jumping into my open arms. I easily catch him because he’s naturally petite and adorable.

“Kellybear!” I greet him.

“Oh my god, I missed you so much.” He says, kissing me passionately.

His lips are soft and familiar. Everything about Kellin is familiar to me. The way he talks, eats, the shows he watches, the music he plays, the way he walks and dances, even his smell. Our apartment only feels like home when he’s here.

He breaks our kiss and drops his legs from my waist, landing gracelessly on his feet.

“I have a couple more bags in my car.” He says, holding up his keys.

“I’ll grab them, you can go change if you want.” I offer, making him smile.

I take the keys and get the rest of his stuff. This was a short tour so he didn’t take much, plus tour buses have limited storage.

When I get back upstairs I take his suitcase of clothes to the laundry room. He only ever wears these outfits on tour, so I usually clean them and pack them again. That way they’re ready for next time. I start the washer and take his other bag into our bedroom, wondering how long Kellin is gonna take to change.

In our room I don’t immediately see him, but then I hear some sniffling coming from our walk in closet. He’s on the floor just staring at an outfit he must have picked out, crying. The outfit is a short, black skirt, a striped crop top, fishnets, and thigh high socks.

This isn’t uncommon when he first gets home from tour. Since he’s been wearing boy clothes for so long, there’s an adjustment period before he feels confident in his skirts again.

“What’s wrong baby?” I ask, sitting on the floor next to him and taking his hand.

“I-I shouldn’t wear this. Fuck, I sh-shouldn’t even own this.” He sobs.

“Hey, that’s not true. You’re allowed to wear whatever you want. Remember? I like wearing jeans and shirts because it makes me comfortable, you like wearing skirts and shirts because that makes you comfortable. Right?”

“But they’re girls clothes! I shouldn’t feel comfortable in them.” He argues, getting a little hysterical.

“Clothes don’t have gender babydoll. You can wear whatever you want.”

He sniffles and nods, seeming to calm down a little.

“Do you want me to help you get changed?” I offer. Usually once he’s dressed he feels better.

“N-no. Leave, I can do it.” He says quickly.

I’m a little surprised, he usually likes it when I help him, but I stand up anyways and walk towards the door.

“Viccy?” He says quietly.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry. I cut while I was gone.”

Oh, that’s why he didn’t want me to stay. Even though it makes me sad that he relapsed, I’m happy he told me and didn’t lie or try to keep it a secret.

I go back to him and help him stand up, then wrap him in a hug. 

“It’s okay. Can I see them?”

“Yeah.”

He takes off his pants and boxer briefs, revealing the cuts all over his beautiful, curvy hips. I get on my knees and scatter butterfly kisses over them before standing back up.

“All better.” I whisper.

Kells is blushing so I give him a kiss.

“I’m gonna get dressed, then can we snuggle and nap?” He asks shyly.

We’ve been dating for two years and he’s still embarrassed about asking for any physical affection. It’s adorable because I will never say no to cuddling him.

“Of course.”

Kellin gets more and more comfortable as the day goes on and when it’s bedtime he strips down to his pastel blue panties and crawls into bed with me without any problem. He knows he can wear skirts and makeup and panties around me because I love him no matter what he’s wearing.

~  
~Kellin’s pov~  
I’m so snuggly sleeping in Vic’s arms that I get more rest than I have in ages. When I wake up he’s playing with my hair which makes me smile. My hair is the only feminine thing that I keep all the time. It’s raven black with a little bit of dark brown highlights, just to give it some texture. It’s shoulder length and wavy, which I love.

“Morning Kells.” He murmurs. God he has a sexy morning voice.

“Morning sexy.” I reply, making him laugh.

“You’re always so horny in the morning.” He says, making me pout.

“Are you saying that’s a bad thing?” I tease him.

“Not at all.” 

I untangle my limbs from his body and get up to straddle his hips. Leaning down I connect our lips and immediately slide my tongue inside his mouth. I guess I am slutty in the morning.

Vic grabs my ass through my panties making me moan into our kiss and grind down against his dick.

“I want you to ride me.” He says against my mouth. I could make a joke about him just being lazy but I’m too turned on for that. Plus, it’s hot hearing him dirty talk.

I get up and take off my underwear, watching Vic do the same, then I resume my position. Looking my boyfriend right in the eyes I lick my pointer finger and move it to my ass. I know this will drive him crazy since he can’t really see what I’m doing but he knows I’m pleasuring myself.

I add another finger and feel a little sting since I haven’t done anything like this since the last time we fucked.

“Hand me the lube honey.” I say, motioning to the bedside table. He hands me the little bottle and I remove my fingers to cover them with the slippery gel.

Vic is rock hard but I’m having too much fun teasing him. I put three fingers in my ass and start stretching and grinding on them, simultaneously grinding on his erection too.

“Oh Vic, baby.” I moan, watching his eyes darken with lust. “My fingers feel good, but I wish it was your big, hard dick inside me.”

“Oh my fucking god. Kells, please!” He begs, making me grin.

I take my fingers out and position myself over his cock. When I push the tip inside me Vic moans.

“You feel so good in my tight ass Viccy.” I whine, easing him all the way inside me.

I stretched myself out pretty well and it’s not like I’m a virgin, so I don’t need a break before letting him fuck me. He grabs my hips, being careful to avoid the fresh cuts and pulls himself out before slamming back in, obviously desperate for the friction. I don’t feel great and honestly, it’s a little bit painful, so I reach down and start stroking my penis in time with his thrusts. He fucks me a couple more times before I speak up.

“Vic, baby try a different angle.” I request. He doesn’t say anything but starts experimenting with different angles. 

“Fucking fuck, right there, p-please, right there.” I moan when he finds my prostate. He pounds into a few times and then he fucks deep into me and cums.

“Oh kells...” He groans.

When I’m sure he’s good and done I flip onto my back and Vic doesn’t skip a beat, positioning himself to eat me out. Orgasms caused my Vic’s fingers and tongue are usually better than any I get when we fuck. It just turns me on more and seems so sensual.

I stroke myself and Vic works my hole with his tongue and fingers until I cum all over my stomach.

“Uuuhhhmmmm.” I moan, enjoying the pleasurable feeling that washes over my body.

Vic hands me a tissue to clean my stomach with before we crawl back under the covers and cuddle.

“I’m so happy I’m home.” I chirp.

“Me too baby.”

“Jerking off just isn’t the same.” I mumble, teasing Vic. It’s very easy for me to get him hard and I love doing it right after we have sex.

“Kells, don’t.” He whines, knowing my plan.

“What? I’m just saying that I prefer having your huge cock in my ass to just jerking off.”

“Uggghhhh. You’re gonna have to take care of it if you turn me on right now.” He threatens, even though I know he’s just joking. He would never force me to do anything I don’t want to.

“Okay okay. I’m sorry. I won’t tell you about the dildo I’m gonna buy so I can fuck myself on my next tour.” I say, ending with a giggle when Vic’s eyes shoot to my face. Looking down, I see that my mission is complete. There’s a significant bulge under the sheets.

“Okay, round two, let’s go shower.” He says, sitting up.

“Sorry, I can’t.” I tell him, getting up and going to the closet.

“Why?” He asks, laying back down and groaning.

“Hot Topic is doing a YouTube livestream with a bunch of different artists and I have to be on from noon to one o’clock.” 

I pull out a normal band tee, but then I get an idea. I lay the shirt on the bed and then get out one of my shortest skirts. It’s red plaid and has ruffles that barely cover my ass. When I lay it on the bed Vic gives me a confused look.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“Well I’m gonna be sitting for the whole livestream, so I figure I can dress however I want from the waist down.” I explain.

I get out a pair of black thigh high socks with little bows on the top of each and a black, lacy pair of panties. I lay them with the rest of my outfit, making sure it will look good.

“Oh, one last thing.” I mumble, going to get a little box out of my closet. I push around the objects inside of it until I choose one. I saunter back to the bed and show Vic the butt plug I chose. It’s black silicone with an emerald green jewel that sits right outside my hole when it’s inserted.

“Are you kidding me?” He asks, laughing.

“Not at all.” I say, winking to him.

I grab the lube from the floor where it must have fallen when we were shaking the bed. I take a little and rub it over the plug until I think it will go in comfortably. Propping one foot on the bedside table I press the plug into place.

“Mmm, now your cum can stay inside me all day.” I murmur.

“Alright. I’m going to shower and get off again.” Vic says, finally fed up with my antics. He kisses me as he walks by and presses on the plug gently with his fingertips.

I giggle and finish getting dressed for the livestream.

Later I have my laptop set up on the dining room table and Vic banned from the room. 

The stream goes great. I answer questions, sing a little, and talk about our last tour. The other members from my band are watching and talking to fans in the comments, along with a few other artists that are going to be on the stream. I saw Oli Sykes, Andy Biersack, and even some of Pierce the Veil in the chat, so that was pretty cool.

I push my laptop further back on the table and shout for Vic when one o’clock hits. I was anxious to do a livestream and now that it’s over, I’m relieved. I love doing stuff like that for fans but doing anything live makes me worry that something will go wrong.

“All done?” He asks, coming in and standing behind my chair.

“Yeah. I think it went well.” I reply, getting up and turning to him. My butt plug has been shifting around and making me horny so I wrap my arms around Vic’s neck and start making out with him. His hands go to my tiny skirt and slide under it, feeling my lacy panties. 

We’re really getting into it when Vic’s phone starts ringing.

“Just ignore it.” I mumble. Vic doesn’t say anything but keeps feeling my ass and hips. I know this skirt turns him on because it accentuates my curves.

When my phone starts ringing I whine. Retrieving it from the table and checking the caller ID.

“What’s up Jaime? I’m a little busy.” I answer, even though I am curious why Vic’s bassist needs me.

“Um, Kells, you’re still live streaming.” He tells me. I take a second to process this information, then I look at my laptop that’s positioned directly at us.

“Oh my god.” I say, ending the call and rushing to my computer.

“Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.” I mutter under my breath as I locate the “end stream” button.

“What’s going on?” Vic asks, looking worried.

“Fuck, oh my god. Fuck.” I curse, weaving my hands in my hair and pulling. Am I breathing? Definitely not. I suck in a breath but now I feel dizzy.

“Kells, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Vic says sternly, now kneeling by my chair.

“I-I just live streamed us m-making out.” I stutter.

“It wasn’t shut off?” He clarifies, seeming very calm given the circumstances.

“I thought it just ended at one, I didn’t know I had- I had to end it. I’m so sorry.” I sob, breaking down in his arms.

“Why are you sorry? It was an accident.” He asks as I hear my phone get a few texts.

I kinda tune Vic out when I start realizing how bad this is. Not only did I reveal that Vic and I live together and that we’re dating but now everyone knows about my clothes too. We basically made porn, I mean everyone saw my ass... everyone is gonna know that I’m a fag and that I wear girl clothes which means that I can’t anymore. I’m gonna get bullied again and kicked out of the band. Vic probably hates me and he’s gonna break up with me.

I can’t get any air.

“Woah woah woah, Kellin. Listen to me right now. Can you hear me?” Vic says sternly, bringing me back to reality which simultaneously helps me breathe a little.

I nod.

“This was not your fault, it was an honest mistake and I am not upset with you. Okay?”

I nod again and look down on my shaking hands.

“You don’t need to freak out. I know what you’re thinking and I’m not gonna break up with you. I love you.” He says soothingly.

“I-I love you too.” I sniffle.

“It’s been driving me crazy that we can’t go on tour together anyways. I hate it that you’re so uncomfortable when you’re gone and I wish I could come along and help. Now I can.”

“But I don’t have a job anymore.” I whimper, tears cascading down my face.

“What do you mean baby? You’ve got the band.”

“N-no. They’re gonna hate me and push me around and kick me out because I’m-I’m a fag.”

“No. Don’t ever call yourself that. The only thing that this is going to change is how you get to act and dress outside of this apartment. Nobody’s gonna hurt you cause you’re gay and you absolutely still have the band. Those guys love you.”

“Yeah.” I whisper even though I don’t believe him. 

Vic leans forward and hugs me tightly.

“Let’s go cuddle, okay?” He suggests.

“Okay.”

I’m released from his grip and I pick up my phone to take to the bedroom with me.

“Um, leave your phone out here.” He says, taking it from my hand and putting it back on the table.

“Why?” 

“I think your texts are gonna stress you out and I want you to calm down. Okay?”

I nod again. Why am I so exhausted all of a sudden? 

I go into our closet and take off my entire outfit, disappointed that I don’t get to tease Vic with my plug anymore. I stand looking at all my pretty panties, then take a pair of solid black boy shorts. They’re still technically made for girls, but they look a lot like briefs.

When I join Vic on the bed he looks at my underwear choice and then gives me a sad look. I can’t even make eye contact with him or I’m gonna cry. My safe space is gone. All of my secrets are out in the open. I don’t think I’ll ever get to truly be myself again.

~  
~Vic’s pov~  
I hold Kellin until he cries himself to sleep. He’s obviously devastated. Personally, this isn’t a big deal for me. Sure I might be treated a little differently and my band members might be upset that I was keeping all of this from them, but overall I’m okay with it.

But for Kellin...keeping these things a secret was so important for him. He was just trying to fit in so that his dreams could come true and now he’s scared that all of his hard work is being taken away from him. That’s why I need to start running damage control. I need to make this as easy for him as I possibly can.

I slide out of bed as gently as possible so I don’t wake the boy up. He needs rest. Then I go out to the dining room where both of our phones and the laptop are. 

Very first thing I pull up the livestream that is now saved as a YouTube video. I skip to the end and watch Kellin shout for me, stand up and start making out with me. Not only can you absolutely tell who I am, but the camera is positioned perfectly to see almost every inch of us. You can see the back of Kellin’s head as he kisses me, all the way down to my hands groping his ass. I start blushing as I realize that if you know to look for it, you can even spot Kellin’s butt plug.

“Shit.” I whisper. The views on the video are steadily going up.

I grab my phone and call my manager. I know she can talk to someone higher up at Hot Topic and get this taken down.

“Hey Jess, have you seen the video?” I ask as soon as she answers.

“Yeah. I’m working on getting it taken down.”

“Okay, that’s what I was gonna ask you to do.” I sigh, running a hand through my hair.

“So Kellin Quinn, huh?”

“Yeah, we’ve actually been dating for quite awhile.”

“Well that’s cool. I hope you guys are okay.”

“I’m trying to get everything worked out. He’s pretty shaken up.”

“Well I’ll shoot you a text when the video is deleted.”

“That’s awesome, thank you so much.” I say before we end the call.

Next I check my texts.

Mike: I’m assuming you didn’t just mean to out yourselves to the entire internet. Are you okay?

Jaime: When were you gonna tell us that ur gay?? That seems like pretty important info for your BEST FRIENDS!!   
Jaime: FYI I’m having a party tomorrow night and you should bring Kellin with you!!!

Tony: I wasn’t actually watching the stream but I’ve heard about it. Call me please~

I shoot off a few replies letting everyone know that we’re okay and then I start reading Kellin’s messages. I know that he won’t mind if I take care of them for him.

Jack: Dude, call me. 

Justin: Since when are you into dick? And skirts??? Your ass looked good tho.

Nick: Hey, I just wanted to let you know that we totally support you Kells.

Nick: I know that stream was rough and not how you probably wanted to come out, but it’s gonna be okay. Everything will settle down~

Matty Best: I know we haven’t known each other for very long but I hope you’re doing okay. Vic’s a cool dude.

I reply to them as well as I can, letting them know that it’s me replying and not Kellin. I don’t want them to worry.

Kellin comes stumbling out of our room and sits right in my lap. Instead of one of his pretty nightgowns he just put on one of my oversized t-shirts instead.

“Mmm, you’re all warm and snuggly.” I tell him, burrowing my face into his hair.

“Hey!” He says, playfully batting me away.

His smile is so pretty that it kills me when he frowns. Nothing should ever make this boy frown. It should be illegal.

“What are you doing?” He asks quietly, turning and resting his cheek on my chest.

“Well first I got the livestream video taken down and Jess is working with YouTube on getting any recordings of it deleted too.”

He yawns and nods. I stroke his soft hair, glad he seems calmer than before.

“And then I was texting all of our friends. They’re all being super nice Kells. It’s gonna be okay.”

“I know. I’m just nervous to see them all again.”

I think for a second then come up with an idea.

“Jaime is having a party tomorrow night, we could go to that and just get it over with. I think it’s gonna be weirder the longer we wait.”

“Whose gonna be there?” He murmurs.

“I don’t know, I’m gonna call him, okay?”

I pick up my phone and hit Jaime’s contact.

“Put it on speakerphone.” Kellin whispers. 

When he answers I press the speaker button.

“Hey man, you’re on speakerphone, alright? Kellin’s here too.” I tell him, hoping he doesn’t say anything stupid. Jaime might come off all crazy in interviews and at shows and stuff, but he’s actually a super caring guy.

“That’s cool. What’s up? What’s up Kells?” He greets us.

“Hello!” Kellin chirps, giggling a little. I’m so happy he’s feeling better.

“Hey, whose coming to your party tomorrow?” I ask.

“Hopefully you guys!” He shouts.

“Yeah yeah, who else though?”

“Well, I invited Tony and Mike and whoever they want to bring. I think I ended up inviting the parx boys and Ronnie Radke and his girl. I don’t know man, I was super drunk when I started planning this. Invites were flying out of my mouth.” He laughs.

“Jaime, can I invite the other guys in my band?” Kellin asks politely.

“Oh for sure! The more the merrier! Oh shit, I gotta go, see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.” I say, then holding the phone up for Kellin to say goodbye before hanging up.

“Okay, I guess we’ll just see everyone tomorrow.” I say, studying Kellin’s face for a reaction.

“Yeah.” He agrees quietly.

~  
~Kellin’s pov~  
Vic’s gonna be mad. I’m in our closet choosing my outfit for the party and I’ve decided I’m going to wear all boy clothes. There’s a small chance that if I’m only gay I won’t get harassed. A bunch of people are gay nowadays and it’s not a problem, but cross dressing is too much.

I put on a pair of skinny jeans overtop my boxer briefs, then pull on a ADTR shirt that’s baggy enough it hides my hips. A plaid flannel goes over that and I look in the mirror. Should I cut my hair? It’s too feminine...should I sell all of my skirts? Can you sell panties if they’ve been worn? That seems gross.

I study myself longer than I should. I hate how I look. I hate how I feel in these clothes. I like the way crop tops show off my flat stomach and how skirts accentuate my curves. Even though panties aren’t as comfortable as boxers, they make me feel sassy and confident. But I can’t wear any of that anymore. I’m just gonna have to get over it.

“What are you doing?” Asks a voice behind me. Of course it’s Vic. I meet his eyes in the mirror and he looks confused.

“I’m just getting ready to go.” I say in a strained voice. It doesn’t sound like me at all because this stupid lump in my throat makes it hurt to talk.

“You don’t want to wear a skirt or a dress or something?” He says coolly, beginning to pull out his own clothes.

I don’t even answer him, I just leave the closet and go to our bed. I flop down on it and close my eyes. This is all too exhausting.

“Kells?” 

“What?”

“You didn’t answer me babydoll. Is that really what you want to wear? Cause that’s okay if you’re comfortable.”

I decide to keep ignoring his question because I don’t want to answer it. No I don’t fucking want to wear this, but I’m going to.

“Do you think I should cut my hair?” I ask, trying to steer the conversation in a different direction.

“What? No. You love your hair.” He replies, coming over to me, sprawled out on the bed.

I finally let a couple of tears slip out of my eyes.

“You don’t want to wear this, do you?” He asks, somehow knowing what the problem is without asking.

I shake my head.

“Okay. I’m gonna choose your clothes today.” He says, getting up and going back to the closet. 

A second later clothes start flying out of the door, making me giggle.

“Viccy! Careful with my clothes!” I shriek.

I get up and start collecting them from the floor. He picked out a simple pastel pink pair of cheeky panties, a pair of fishnet tights, black denim shorty shorts with garter straps that go around my thighs, and a black and white striped, cropped sweater. This is a surprisingly cute outfit and I like the idea of shorts instead of a skirt. The whole look is very feminine without being extreme.

Vic emerges holding my converse knee high boots and sets them at the end of the bed.

“There. Much better.” He says, smiling.

Once I’m changed I fix my hair and then we leave for Jaime’s house.

“I’m nervous.” I admit when we pull up.

“Me too, let’s just do it.” Vic replies.

We get out and hold hands as we walk up to the front door that’s propped open. As soon as we step inside I feel better because nobody pays attention to us.

“They’re here!” Someone shouts. It’s Jaime and he makes his way over to us, weaving his way through the crowd.

He does a guy hug with Vic and then an awkward side hug with me.

“I’m so glad you guys made it!” He says, grinning from ear to ear.

“We wouldn’t miss it Hime Time.” Vic replies.

Vic gets kidnapped by Mike and I end up sitting on the couch sipping a beer. Parties aren’t really my thing.

“Damn! You look hot!” Justin says as he sits beside me on the couch. 

Justin is a dick but I love him. He’s the only person that I will let get away with saying stupid shit like that.

“Thanks Justin.” I say just loud enough for him to hear me over the music.

“Where’s your man?” He asks.

I motion over to Vic, he’s laughing at something his brother said.

“How long have you two been dating?” 

“Around two years.”

“No shit! How’d you manage to keep it a secret?” 

“It was surprisingly easy!” I laugh. “We just kept our address a secret and never acted like a couple in public.”

“Well you totally fooled me.” 

I didn’t even see Jack get here but he sits down next to Justin.

“Who fooled Justin?”

“I did!” I giggle.

“You shouldn’t pick on him, he’s a little dumb.” Jack jokes.

“Hey!” Justin pouts, shoving Jack a little. “I’m going to find a beer.”

When he leaves Jack moves closer to me so we don’t have to shout to hear each other.

“I don’t want to bring down your night or anything but I feel like I owe you an apology.” He says.

“What for?” I ask, prompting him to keep going.

“I know I’ve been a homophobic asshole around you and I really had no idea that you’re gay. Not...that’s not an excuse. I just feel really bad and I’m not going to say those things anymore, no matter whose around.”

I lean over and give him a hug. Here I was, worrying that I was gonna get bullied by my own friends. I’m so stupid sometimes when I’m stressed.

“It’s okay, you’re totally forgiven.” I say, smiling.

I end up having a really fun night. I drink enough beer that I get the confidence to dance with Vic and I get a bunch of compliments on my outfit. Ronnie told me that if he was gay he would “tap this” which makes me feel a little uncomfortable and a little flattered.

I’m dancing to a remixed version of Last Resort by Papa Roach, surrounded by my band and a whole bunch of friends when I realize that not one person has been rude to me tonight and there’s no doubt that everyone knows I’m gay.

Without second guessing myself I do something that Vic and I have never been able to do before. I stop dancing and stand in front of him, he gives me a confused look right as I lean in and smash our lips together. He immediately kisses me back and rests his hands on my hips. I tangle my fingers in his hair and we make out. In front of everyone. And it is perfect.


End file.
